


I Don't Want to Talk About It

by Who_Cares



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Baz's POV, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, post carry on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:20:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_Cares/pseuds/Who_Cares
Summary: Simon's having a rough day and Baz wants to help.
Relationships: Snowbaz - Relationship, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	I Don't Want to Talk About It

**Author's Note:**

> So, I found a list of dialogue prompts on Pinterest and I decided to try to write a fic that included all of them to try and help me get over my writer's block. I ended up being able to use all but two of them in this story with only some slight changes to the wording. Anyway... I've created something interesting... I hope you enjoy it. ((And to those of you who are still waiting for me to update Anemic again, I'm sorry for the wait, I just can't figure out exactly what I'm doing with this next chapter and I'm trying not to bore the crap out of everyone that reads it.)) Now, with all that being said, here's the thing I just wrote. The list of prompts I used are listed in the notes at the end.

I walk into Simon’s apartment to find the lights off in the living room, the curtains drawn tightly shut and the t.v on. Snow is curled up on the couch, wings and tail wrapped tightly around himself, can of cider in one hand, and he’s staring at the television like he hadn’t even noticed I walked in, or maybe just like he didn’t care that I had. 

“Snow? Are you okay?”

He looks up at me, eyes glazed over. “Oh…” he says. “It’s you. I thought you were Penny. She’s been out since early this morning, but.. umm… yeah. I’m fine.”

“We were supposed to go out earlier, and you didn’t tell me you weren’t coming. You didn’t call, you didn’t text, nothing. I was worried something happened to you…”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? You seem sort of out of it.”

“I’m fine. Stop asking.”

“Simon… pause the T.V and talk to me for a minute.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine. You should just go.”

“We both know you aren’t fine. Why won’t you just talk to me?”

“I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just… really tired.”

“Okay… Can I sit with you?”

“I guess so.”

I sit down next to him and he leans into me. We sit like that in silence for awhile, and then the next thing I know he’s sobbing into my shoulder.

I hug him tightly. “Would you just tell me what’s bothering you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it…”

“I can’t help if you won’t talk to me.”

“I don’t need help! I just want the pain to go away!”

“Simon… Talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you. Let me help.”

“I don’t want to talk about it! How many times do I have to tell you that?” he asks, now angry and no longer crying. “If you can’t accept that you should just fucking leave!”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong, and don’t try lying to me.”

“Just get your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight! I can’t do this anymore… not with you.”

“Simon…”

“This isn’t up for debate! Just go!”

“What are you saying?”

“I can’t deal with you right now! Just go away! I don’t want to talk, and you aren’t listening! Just get out!”

“Has it ever occurred to you that you’re hurting me too when you do things like this?” I ask. “I hate it when you feel like this. I can’t do anything to help you and you won’t even tell me what you’re thinking. You just get all quiet and weird and then you start drinking... I want to help you. Why won’t you let me?”

“I… I’m sorry…” he says, looking hurt. “I just… I can’t...”

“You can’t?”

“You act like you’ve never even met me before. You may have an easy time explaining things, but for me… It feels like swallowing a bowling ball would be easier than talking most of the time. You pushing me to talk helps nothing. It just makes me angry, and I feel more like I’m going to go off than like I want to talk. So I’m sorry you’re frustrated, but I just can’t.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything. It doesn’t make any of this better. Not you, not me, and not this relationship. I’m your boyfriend if you can’t talk to me, who can you talk to?”

“Don’t you get it? You are the last person I feel like I can share all my feelings with! You bullied me for years, and while that may be over now, you may be my boyfriend now, but I still don’t trust you enough to tell you everything! I just can’t do it!”

“I thought you trusted me. Is that how little you really think of me?”

“I’m sorry! It’s not like I want to feel that way! I do trust you. Just… not fully. Not yet. Not enough to tell you all of the worst things in my life. To tell you the things that hurt me the most. Not when I’m still worried that you may turn around and use it to hurt me.”

“ You really feel that way? Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Of course not! I was just waiting for the feeling to go away! You can’t honestly believe that it would happen instantly can you?”

“Fine… I’ll go now. I’m sorry I bothered you.” I say, feeling angry.

“Baz…”

“What? Isn’t that exactly what you’ve been wanting to me to do since I showed up?” I ask. 

“Fine… Do whatever you want.”

I get up and go to the door, shoving my shoes back on my feet, and putting back on my jacket. “Happy now? Huh? Does this make you happy?” I ask loudly, getting more and more angry with every movement.

“You absolute fucking idiot.” Simon says, getting up and walking over to me. “Sometimes it just isn’t about you.”

“How is it not about me?!” I ask. “You literally just told me that you don’t trust me!”

“Merlin Baz! Just shut the fuck up!”

“I’m trying to be nice, but I’m done trying to help you. I’m going to go home for the night.”

“No. You aren’t leaving while we’re both this angry with each other.” Simon says.

“What? You really want to keep going with this conversation?”

“Something like that.” he says. And then his mouth is on mine, his hand tightly gripping the top of my shirt, pulling me down into him, and I kiss him back, our tongues sliding against each other, my hands sliding into his hair, his arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him. He pushes my jacket off of me, walking backwards towards his room.  
…

A little while later I’m laying next to Simon on his bed, completely naked, both of us panting heavily.

“Good talk Snow.” I say. 

“I thought so too.” he says, smiling a little, moving and gently kissing me again.

I kiss him back, grinning against his mouth. “I’m sorry for being so upset. Honestly I understand your reasoning for not being able to talk to me. But… you should know I will never do anything like that to you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never really wanted to hurt you. I have no motivation to upset you. I… I love you.”

“I love you too.” Simon says quietly. “And I will talk to you eventually. Just not yet. I’m not ready yet.

“That’s fine. Just know I’m not going anywhere. Not anytime soon. I won’t push you to talk anymore, but don’t push me away either. Let me be here for you until you trust me enough to tell me everything, okay?”

He nods, wrapping his arm around me and snuggling close.

“Promise me?” I ask.

“I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you thought of this sort of strange thing I wrote. I love reading you're comments, and constructive criticism is always highly appreciated even though this mostly unedited fic that I wrote in like two hours is really not my best work anyway. If you are interested in reading the actual sex scene for this let me know. I'm probably going to write it, but I don't expect it to be very good.
> 
> The prompt list I used included the following:
> 
> "Were you ever going to tell me?"
> 
> "I'm done trying to help you!"
> 
> "Sorry doesn't fix everything."
> 
> "You didn't call. You didn't text. Nothing."
> 
> "It isn't up for debate."
> 
> "I don't know what's wrong, okay? I'm just... really tired."
> 
> "I'm fine. Stop asking."
> 
> "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong, and don't try lying to me."
> 
> "I hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine." (Not included)
> 
> "Pack your shit and go. Get the fuck out of my sight!"
> 
> "Is this how little you think of me?"
> 
> "I can't do this anymore... not with you."
> 
> "Are you happy now? Huh? DOES THIS MAKE YOU HAPPY?"
> 
> "You said you's always be there for me... So how did this happen? Why weren't you there?"(Not included)
> 
> "Did it ever occur to you that you're hurting me too?"
> 
> "I don't need help! I just want the pain to go away!"


End file.
